Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo Review

In this spoiler-free book review of Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo, I touch on all the different things about this book I loved and wanted more of. This literary fiction/domestic family drama would make the perfect book club book, without a doubt. I share my favorite book quotes from Same As It Ever Was, a quick summary, book club discussion questions, similar books, and more!

Thank you to @PRHAudio and Doubleday Books for gifting me this complimentary book. My review reflects my honest thoughts.

Content Warnings

Infidelity, marital discord, emotional abuse, alcoholism, narcissism, toxic relationship, adult/minor relationship, abandonment, postpartum depression, pregnancy, death of parent mentioned, death of spouse mentioned

Same As It Ever Was Book Review / Summary

In this dual timeline domestic drama, we follow Julie Ames, a fifty-seven-year-old wife and mother reflecting on her life and family.

Running into someone from her past brings memories flooding back: memories of a time when she was unsettled and disoriented wading through early motherhood and a rocky marriage.

Thirty-something Julie finds herself lonely and unanchored in the midst of preschool pickup lines and the natural flow of parenthood.

She’s aimless and full of questions like, What if I can’t be the mom I’m supposed to be? What if I am, somehow, defective?

What follows is a story of identity and self-examination through every season of life, as well as an unflinching view of maternal instinct and motherhood, unlikely intergenerational friendship, and the complexities of relationships wounded by the human heart in all its wonders and failures.

My Thoughts on Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo

Oh, this book hugged me tight—softened me and hurt me a little bit. What a story. The publisher calls Claire Lombardo a “definitive cartographer of the human heart.”

I have to say, after reading The Most Fun We Ever Had and now the remarkable follow-up novel, Same As It Ever Was, I can only agree. This book left me in awe and a little raw.

Julia Ames as a character is so unbelievably complex. There were layers to her that I loved and parts of her I hated—both because I understood her too well or I didn’t understand her at all.

At the end of the day, the characters in Same As It Ever Was were so fleshed out that I felt I was leaving behind a family I’d come to know and deeply care for. I wasn’t ready, even after 500+ pages. The different ways we, as people, grow and change? The universal motivations and fears and imperfections? Claire nailed it in this tumultuous story.

Intergenerational Friendship

I loved the relationship between Helen Russo and Julia Ames. The way Julia assigns so much superiority and meaning to her relationship with Helen was fascinating and unsettling.

It kept me on edge . . . not in a thriller-y way, but in a high-stakes and desperate way. You see young Julia flounder and descend further into self-destruction through her obsession with Helen.

The postpartum depression and difficult glimpses of motherhood were almost too much to read, at times. I’m not surprised this book is billed as a brilliantly observed family drama.

Everything about this book—the inner life of a middle-aged woman, a multifaceted marriage, the mother-son relationship, Julia’s relationship with her own mother—it was so intimately laid bare that it felt like spying.

I was shocked to learn Claire Lombardo isn’t a mother. She writes from this perspective so well—I mean, she really captures the ache of loving a child so much, and all the fear wrapped up in that kind of love.

One of my favorite parts of the book was the fierce and tender way Julia Ames learns to love and let go . . . of seasons of her life, people as she had previously known them, her own expectations and misunderstandings.

This was an instant favorite for me. It was also a highly anticipated book for me. It felt a little more insular than The Most Fun We Ever Had, since we really only follow Julia’s POV. But I loved it all the same, and even with one POV, it’s an unforgettable cast of characters.

Favorite Quotes from Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo

The strange ease of their relationship seemed to startle them both. Their lives were suddenly intertwined, their rapport complex and codified. They went on three dates, then four; then suddenly, they’d gone on ten and stopped identifying them as such; they were simply together, a lot, of course they were, why wouldn’t they be? There was a manic quality to that time, awash in the blind, dumb admiration of another person, admiration untarnished by the inevitabilities of commitment, betrayals and meannesses and misunderstandings. She’d never been sentimental, but his hand in hers moved her. She couldn’t believe how much more livable the world seemed with him around. Suddenly she wasn’t alone anymore.

—Claire lombardo, Same As it Ever was

She would come to realize that this was how many people had gotten what they had in life: by lying a little bit, and pretending to be better than they were.

—Claire lombardo, Same As it Ever was

“I’m fine,” she said, and smiled. She’d heard, before, the death knell of a relationship—or rather it was something feelable, like a storm in the air—and in her experience it began in this way, with small lies of propriety that amassed into little towers, lulls in conversation or split seconds of strange eye contact or a line or two spoken by the other person that made you think huh, that’s not what I expected you to say. Of course she always hoped her relationships, as they were beginning, wouldn’t meet their ends, but the fact was that she’d always expected them to.

—Claire lombardo, Same As it Ever was

It was a knack you had to pick up, letting someone adore you. She hadn’t had any practice, before. . . . And when you fell for someone, she realized—she had never fallen like this before—you started to fall for yourself a little bit too. Everything became funnier and more interesting once she vocalized it to him.

—Claire lombardo, Same As it Ever was

RELATED: Book Review: This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub

Book Club Discussion Questions for Same As It Ever Was

• Ice breaker question: What star rating would Helen Russo give this book? Why?
• What was your first impression on Helen Russo? How did your opinion of her change throughout the story?
• Claire Lombardo is especially gifted at writing the raw human emotions and shortcomings. Were there any relationship dynamics or scenes that made you feel uncomfortable? Why?
• How did Julia grow and change in her role as a mother?
• How did you feel about the dual timeline structure of the novel?
• Julia’s relationship with her mother, Anita, is quite toxic and fragile throughout the book. How did you perceive their relationship? What were your impressions of them as individuals?
• Describe the themes of loneliness, friendship, marriage, motherhood, and any other themes you noticed in Same As It Ever Was. Which themes did you appreciate the most?
• Compare and contrast Alma (Julia’s teenaged daughter) and her relationship with her mom versus Julia’s relationship with hers.
• What mental state would you say Julia was in when she met Nathaniel? What mental state is she in years later, with Ben’s surprise announcement? What did you think of the choices she made throughout her life?
• Mark and Julia weather many storms together, and even when they think their marriage is rock solid, there are many cracks proving its fragility. What were their strengths as a couple? What were their weak areas?
• What did you think about the ending wedding scenes, where we fast-forward through the rest of Julia’s life?

Similar Books to Same As It Ever Was

If you’re wondering about other books by Claire Lombardo, there’s only one other title! Lombardo’s debut, The Most Fun We Ever Had, is another dramatic family novel, and it’s the best book.

As much as I enjoyed Same As It Ever Was, The Most Fun We Ever Had remains my favorite because we got to know all of the characters so well through multiple POVs.

These books explore similar themes or remind me of Same As It Ever Was in some way.

• Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
• The Dutch House by Ann Patchett
• Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane
• The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan
• The Nest by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney

Should You Buy This Family Drama?

I recommend Same As It Ever Was if you enjoy reading about complex family dynamics and peeling back the layers of different characters in everyday situations.

This book is about how our choices change us and grow us into different people. There are consequences to our choices: Deep isolation and loneliness and unexpected joys. If reading about these concepts and how they play out in a memorably messy family life intrigues you, you should give this book a try.

I will say, because we only follow Julia’s point of view, I don’t think this book is for everyone—because Julia isn’t for everyone. There are parts of her that were downright annoying. But she was honest, and I just couldn’t look away or stop reading.

If you read this book, will you let me know what you thought of it?